I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
We had a race to see who could chug their vodka tonic faster. College doesn't seem to be working for me... I'm getting exponentially dumber
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
I ended up driving home on my birthday, he opened the door to puke on the highway, and animal balloons were flying out of the car the entire time. The people behind us got a show.
i ended up playing naked naked monopoly and hangman with my dealer. i really love my life.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
If you saw or spoke to me yesterday can you message me. Trying to make a timeline of the day I was too drunk to remember
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
