her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
When the officer tried to stop you, you just shouted your name in his face. repeatedly.
Any coincidence your getting married tomorrow and it's the most predicted day for the rapture? Just saying
Somewhere in the night I send my Dad a text stating "YOU failed as a parent"
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
He got completely naked and is now just standee there next to my bed poking at my hamster. Why can't I get sex the normal way.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
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