Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
i actually pissed myself from laughing when I saw the old man in lingerie carrying a spiderman purse. I dont know if he was real or if it was the tequila, but my head hurts.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
Maybe is for pussies. We only say yes in this household
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
