Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Eww. Jon Gosselin got both his ears pierced.
He looks like a bad one night stand.
I woke up this morning with gum gluing my ass cheeks together..
I can't decide if I actually want to know or not..
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
will you please explain to me as to why or how i have a dirtbike tread looking bruise on my back?
He cut part of his finger off. It was a consolation blow job.
Night. I'll wake u up at 6 with the unfinnished vodka bottle so be prepared young grasshoper. U have much to learn.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
I've been there a week.. I'd rather all my coworkers not know that I'm already sleeping with my boss.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
oh, he’s out of jail btw. as of about 6pm. one of his customers bonded him out apparently lol
Like he really got a coke fiend to bond him out?
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