Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Ah, drunk me ordered sushi at 3 a.m. for sober me's lunch the next day. EXCELLENT
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just made some sangria and taking a roadie on my stroller walk around the hood! Parenting at its finest
The fact that my boss lets me drink on my lunch break makes Mondays much easier.
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Bad part of last night: I puked in my hair. Good part of last night: I assembled a posse.
You kept pulling me aside saying "look what I found"
Randomize
