i cant finish this easy-mac because i need it for a chaser.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I just peed behind the dumpster and dedicated it to you. Can i call u?
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I feel like there's no sexy way to pull 12 condoms out of your bra.
I just realized I haven't had a date or a potential possibility of a date in about a year. Then I realized I wanted to actually go on a date. But I'm sitting here getting high instead of being at a party. Life.
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
I woke up to an email from expedia confirming my flight to hong kong
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