I just walked by a ginger with a mullet. I repeat GINGER mullet. So help us God.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
Woke up with a $100 bill from the Philippines in my bra & an unopened box of sour patch kids next to me. I have some questions.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
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