the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Oh. My. God. Best non-relationship, he-might-be-cheating-on-his-boyfriend-but-I-can't-tell-because-of-the-language-barrier sex EVER!
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
Makes sense. My grandma just did this shot. MY FAMILY KICKS ASS.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
The cops came, and I made friends with him. He wants me to babysit his kids.
how much do I hate his dog? was just googling to see if you can rent a hungry eagle for the weekend hate.
its not even a love triangle. its a love square and it has come back to haunt me
i feel like i got punched in the face....
you did....
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