The maid of honor just puked.
have u ever looked at the reflection of the water n watched the poop come out of u?
why can't you just be normal
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
Moms kinda upset I threw up in grandmas bedroom. I think ill stay in tonight.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
Sweet and genuine is kinda lame. I'm more of a bust all over your face and hair kinda guy.
Uhm the hair is off limits bro, conditioner can only go so far.
Bro? You just made it a target.
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
He laid on the ground 100 ft from the car crying about how he just wanted to be home already
I worry about your feelings an awful lot for somebody who gets off on making you cry
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
