I told u I don't really remember everything lol i pretty much remember not lasting as long as I norm and that I wore a condom, I hate condoms
Please tell me how I woke up out in the middle of nowhere wearing nothing but a hard hat and a man thong?
Got kicked out of the baseball game with a 4 officer escort. Not bad for a monday night.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
DID YOU JUST COME OUT THROUGH A FACEBOOK COMMENT??
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
random memory from the wedding, the bartender show us how to open the windows of the hotel and pee out of them
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Man, I'm never going tanning again he noticed the burns on my ass
Randomize
