I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
i pretty much saved your life. you were so conviced that your nail polish remover bottle was "Vodka Lemon"
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
I just test ran being their maid. I'm getting 50 bucks a month and they're buying the costume.
Btw sorry for throwing that bag of ice at your face lastnight....
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
The majority of the reason I want to get my pilot's license is so I can use the argument "FUCK YOU! I'M A PILOT!"
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
Randomize
