Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I wanna dance tonight. i just wanna grind my ass in some man's dick.
I think thanksgiving was created so we could all be thankful that we're still alive after the night before.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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