Solid performance last night. Wanna be fuck buddies?
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
You tried to wear your Jesus costume into Family Christian stores and say it was a book signing.
You were in the corner dancing by yourself yelling "I look good", when really you looked ridiculous and drunk
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
THEY HAVE VIAGRA FLAVORED GELATO
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
The problem with adderall is that no matter what I'm doing, I feel like it was the most productive thing I've EVER done.
Did you alphabetize our spice cupboard again?
...You'll thank me later.
Randomize
