at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I just peed in the Schreyer honors college shrubbery. Thanks honors students, you're finally good for something
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
