i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I walked in on him cutting a hole in the condom.
at the gym hungover with vodka in a water bottle. don't say i'm not fulfilling my resolutions
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
The second time he came it projectile shot in my ear
We were in a spooning position and it shot all the way up. He was like sorry. Physics.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
There's a Japanese guy here dressed as a Viking who just screamed "wats up cocksluts" and kicked a guy in the face. come get me out of here.
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
