he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
I'm lost. Please come find me. I'm inside the I-270 circle somewhere. I can hear laughing.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
The first couple times was just weird, but after last night, I'm beginning to think you have a real problem banging pregnant women who are carrying someone elses child.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
Googled 'how drunk am I' and it was NOT helpful
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
Randomize
