Haha I will however wear glass and and draw a lightning bolt scar if you want to have sex that way, and that can be the only time you can call me Harry.
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
if you arent using your penis to save lives, then what good is it?
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
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