Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
uhh when the x-ray tec was moving your head you licked his hand and meowed.. i think he knew you weren't sober
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
That doesn't mean I'm a slut. Unless McFlurries are involved.
I will rub McFlurries all over you.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
Suspicion confirmed. my mom has her nipples pierced
Way to crack the case Nancy Drew
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
Ur dad just showed me a tit pic he got omf
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
Dry spell is over and now I’m drowning in a river of dick. The dam broke and now half the dicks in DC are trying get in my skirt
It’s a glorious dick miracle!
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