Only a mothe r could love this liver
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
I don't even have to sign up for karaoke at duncans anymore. The karaoke ppl just sign me up themselves. Without my consent. I also sang stacys mom to some lady named Stacy who's mom died yesterday.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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