I know, he also has a fancy car to make up for his tiny penis
Are you trying to threaten my boobs?
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
That accounts for only three of the penises
Is it too early to start pregaming for St. Patty's?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
You are my best friend, but sometimes best friends need to punch each other in the face
Just came so hard my back cracked. Other women are totally missing out if they don't masturbate.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
Randomize
