On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
As you were leaving the bar you grabbed a table and when they stopped you, you said "Its cool i came in with this". They did not believe you.
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
The mystery gender stripper never showed up with that party burrito last night.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
He woke up, yelled "RALLY!" and then puked in my glove compartment
we all thought you were asleep. he found you an hour later sitting outside in the snow lighting a bowl, singing the CatDog theme song, and hugging a box a Franzia.
I have an aggressive hickey on my shoulder and it actually hurts.
Typical. We're ready to go, and you're not wearing pants.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
