I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
The panties match.
I'll be right there.
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
You started drinking at 2:30, did you really think you would be able to remember?
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
I smoked my last bong as the sun rose. It was magical.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
i think i just naturally attract stoners
He loves blowjobs.. were meant for each other.
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