i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
btw, i had a dream i drank 260-proof vodka last night. thank god that doesn't exist in real life.
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
I can't wait to go to grad school so I am not your high unemployed friend.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Some how my underwear was hanging from the antlers of a antelope head on the wall of the hotel........
Drunk you needs to learn how to call sober me, so sober me can talk your drunk vagina down.
Now all I have unanswered questions and a fucked up finger
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
