I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Don't worry. I just took 2 benadryls and beat off. I'm practically sleep texting
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
I tripped over a vacuum cleaner and fell into a beer pyramid
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
You asked me to text you at 11 and remind you that he's 33. It's 11:20. He's 33.
you're too late. he has eggnog and whiskey and all seven seasons of buffy. I shan't be coming home tonight
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
It has gotten to a point where I just want to sit on his face. Less butterflies, more orgasms.
An d I'd rather cry while putting a waffle in my mouth than cry on my pillow, ya feel me?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
Randomize
