I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
you told grandpa to call you daddy
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
He handled me like a finger puppet on crack... Time to ice the vagina, I'd like to sit down sometime today.
Naw. I'm tired and I'd have to shave my legs. I doubt the sex or the company would be worth it.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
You were so fucked you introduced me to a pile of Laundry
I wondered why I slept in the front room
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
Randomize
