I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Roman Polanski is more welcome at my daughter's birthday party than you are at that bar
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I'm going to make you a sign to put on your penis to ward others off
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
Randomize
