If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I spent most of the night convinced it was my birthday. But I was probably wrong, it can't be January, can it? I'm 90% sure its not. But maybe. The days have got shorter. Is this what unemployment feels like to everyone?
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
be the chaos you wish to see in the world...
i'm trying to figure out how to respond to that in text
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
Randomize
