The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
I just had a very enlightening conversation with my hat. we need more of whatever the fuck that was.
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
Randomize
