I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
video games are the ultimate cock blocker
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
WHAT KIND OF DUMPSTER DOESNT HAVE PIZZA IN IT?
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
This means I've slept with 2 ppl that live in vans...my life is complete
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
Randomize
