We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
she needs to go suck a dildo, because she isn't worth a dick
I think in growing up..I've been having a hard time masterbating to fictional characters
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
Look at my eyebrows in this pic! We deffo need to go back to that waxing place.
You have a cock in one hand and a shot in the other. Your eyebrows are not the topic in need of discussion.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Also I found and fixed my beer gun.
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Randomize
