Grab the Coors Light. Its time to get NASCAR drunk
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
she has tattoo'd to her hips "grip here" this is why they made spring break
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Peeing in public by noon, this is not a good indicator for the day.
When you awake you'll realize that your car is missing....just know that I had it and becuz of your car I hooked up with the hot bar tender that looks like that guy from bay-watch however I parked it in a loading zone and it was towed...that sex was TOTALLY worth it love you
Fire alarms went off at reception of gay wedding im at. We all had to evacuate until FD got here. Then...ill just text the photos.
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
About to wash down a xan with an iced pumpkin spiced latte from starbs and I feel like I've never lived up to my stereotype so much at one time
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