Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
question: from what angle do you give a hand job. im confused..
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
He freaked out when I started to orgasm. He said he never knew girls could orgasm too.
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
ok. can u leave the new roommate a list of instructions for me? like what i need to be fed and when i need to be exercised?
Corn dogs constantly. And all.the time
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Ok now a guy in a winnie the pooh costume is grinding on some chick to the song shots
soon, soon....
I don't believe you anymore. You're like the boy who cried coitus.....
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
I am a good friend because I got you a bagel. I am a bad friend because I ate half of it.
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Holy shit dude........stairs
Randomize
