and i fell asleep on top of a grilled cheese sandwich. not the best decision. but not the worst.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
He even wore it to bed. What the hell. He's too excited about that goddamn costume.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
He told me he loved me and then peed his own bed. So at least it was a memorable one night stand.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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