just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Yes..we had amazing sex that I have a 50 percent chance of remembering.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Found a guy passed out on the coffee table with a thong duct taped from ear to ear.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
its like a catch 22, sucks that you've stopped, but its like a vagina high five
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
Oh my god. We just got locked out of our cabin and went to the neighbor's to see if they had a key and caught the neighbor jerking it. My night > your night
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
i ran into the Jo the housecleaner earlier this morning. i mentioned i had a little hangover and she asked what the occasion was.. i replied "Tuesday" without thinking. she judged the shit out of me.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
