that drag queen yelled at him and touched me to make him jealous and said things like this is what a real man feels like. it was a thrill.
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
You left me with no money to have random Chicago sex. The least you can do is pick me up an egg mcmuffin on your walk of shame back to the hotel.
So yeah you need to stop having near death experiences at McDonalds.
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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