Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
I went with the blow up doll and I'm glad I did.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize
