omg so im topless lying on my bed and i forgot my nail clippers are on my bed and i just leaned forward and the nail clipper closed. on my nipple. ouch
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
i am not listening to taylor swift on a pink ipod. totally not happening.
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I bought something for you today. You'll love it.
What is it? Drugs?
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I can tell that I'm high when listening to celine dion becomes such a life changing experience
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