Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
All I know is that we apparently made a drink we named The Single Girl which is rum, vodka, grain alcohol, and sprite and rolled around in the backyard.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
She looks like she smells of sausage, sunblock and sorrow.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
According to him, i kept saying "I'm belligerent as SHIT" and tried to run around the house in just my bra and underwear. Thats when they decided to carry me to the car and take me home.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Welp... sober this am and I still have a parrot.
I was just tongue fucked into oblivion.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I swear my vagina needs to be taken away from me when I drink.
Randomize
