How do I get over judging people who I would be exactly like if I had a boyfriend
Get a boyfriend
I faked an abortion last night.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
The horrors my penis has endured I wouldn't wish upon any man.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
Or maybe my penis is just the key to their locked boxes of crazy, and I unleash their wrath upon all of mankind just so I can get my nut off
If you come home soon there's a stripper in the shower. Don't be alarmed
How many strippers in the world do you think have had a debate with someone about the NRA?
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
be right there i have to get my cape
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
Randomize
