last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
possible father of this baby just finished his test first in a lecture of 200 people. other possible father finished about 100th.
I'm rooting for #1.
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
How are you getting in?
I know some influential drag queens
What's sexier than showing up smelling like fast food cigarettes with a jar of moonshine in your hand
i think my cat just said my name.
I just used my dick as to measure where my desk would go because I don't have a tape measure or a ruler.
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
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