He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
Do you not remember you showing everyone in the bathroom your period stained underwear? I'd say you were pretty happy it came
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
