Is your liver wearing a sombrero yet?
No...more like a life jacket.
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
either she doesn't know how to dress properly on a sunday morning stroll, or I just saw a 60 year old on a walk of shame
He's freaking out just because my cat licked his balls while he was fucking me
Just saw identical twins riding scooters. Today is not real who the hell rides a scooter anymore
I need to get a job that holds me accountable for something. Otherwise I wake upon Monday wondering when the booze store opens and if I still have a boyfriend.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
Awkward drunk fist bump with the boss. Not sure if tomorrow will be weird or wonderful.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
PS there is a naked boy in my bed and I just left for the bar...
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