I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
She needs sedatives and a leash
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
Dude mama brought home the bacon, i got his HBO account i guess that makes up for his by par skills in bed.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
Randomize
