can we meet up so i can piece together the end of my night? for instance, did i jump or fall into a plant?
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Dude, I need a lifestyle change. I'm to old to be making out with chicks in foam parties, letting older chicks get all excited because I let them put their hands up my shirt, and running around doing scavenger hunts with 18 yr old chicks.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
so an orgy is about to happen in the next room if you wondered where i am currently at in life
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
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