You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
You obviously dont comprehend the level of insane i operate at
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
Oh man I'm using the bubble wrap that wraped my new vibrator to wrap my dads fathers day gift
Omg. Some dude is jacking off in Kelly's bathroom.
WHAT GOOD IS APPRECIATING IF NOBODY'S NAKED
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
You guys go ahead and have your romantic night. I'm gonna keep my vday tradition alive of angry banging a stranger.
Do you ever look back on your life and think - man I should have never had sex with that guy
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
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