dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
Exactly how low is masturbating to your cute professor's lecture videos?
thats the coolest thing thats happened to my vagina since i dated that guy from portugal.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
Sexual favors are the only currency recognized by the Republic of Greg
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
Randomize
