The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
I met my future husband in an elevator. Think Hispanic version of Dr. Bunsen Honeydew from the Muppets, but with eyes like Michael Fassbender.
Listen, dont tell me about your day or that your mom is in town. Don't ask me to drive you to the airport or proofread your paper. Text me when and only when you have a boner. Oh and take your pants off and leave your front door unlocked because I'm coming over.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
Explain to me how we're not being documented on? A gynecologist I saw two times 8 years ago popped up on my people you may know list on fb. What in the actual fuck?
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
Is it sad to eat a candy bra by yourself?
Randomize
