Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
I hate thxgiving break now because that totally means I'm not able to have sex for a week.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Wanna get drunk and play candy land? If so you are 2 steps behind.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
I can always count on you to keep my boobs honest
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
