just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Some chick in the back of my Psychologhy of Addictions class just did a line off her hand. She tried to make it look subtle.
i wish i was a boy too so i knew what a blow job felt like
he obviously didn't care that i was sleeping and dreaming about ellen degeneres knitting me a christmas sweater.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I just made the answer to all my security questions "fuck you" with various levels of ! marks. I may regret this in the morning.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
There's a 50-50 shot that I will wake up with an ass tattoo tomorrow.
the bouncer just handed me a Starbucks bag of pound cake
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
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