i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
He went through and tagged himself on my crotch in all of my facebook pics
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
it would be nice to just get drunk, not hook up with anyone, and not die this weekend
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
My sister gave me satin sheets. We can fuck on satin sheets.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
