it was all good till he told me to dance slow and quiet
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
Get out of your relationship and into my pants.
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
I'm starting to have hip problems from having my legs spread too often.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
Just saw a guy walking down the street carrying a giant inflatable penis
Just arrived at our party
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
His whole street is under construction. Third walk of shame this week & I'm getting a lot of sympathetic nods from the workers.
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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