After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
He was putting purell on my boobs saying "they need to be clean for later." He hadn't had a drink all night
Your TV has the DVD menu for White Chicks permanently burned into the screen. I can't anymore. That's just a whole different level that I cannot comprehend.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
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