i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
My mom just told me that after i turned eight i stopped growing mentally and emotionally
States back in the final four. Now our sunday night drinking has purpose. Sparty on baby.
saw a pregnant woman in a bridal gown standing on the side of the road while her car was getting searched by police....cheers to new beginnings
I'm sorry that I ate boneless ribs off of your sister, but that is no reason to drink my alcohol.
He put up a Facebook album attempting to sell off their Harvard furniture. Items for sale include: his friend, a broken lamp, an item described as a 'carpet and/or sleeping bag', a pair of paint stained cargo pants, size 'Tyler', and a self proclaimed $3 bottle of wine, which he is offering for $2
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
I bet you there is porn for people who get off on someone rubbing Chipotle on themselves
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Bud light made chelada as a breakfast for those of us with class at 8 am
Randomize
