My Nuvaring birth control makes me queef.
i popped this huge zit on her back while she was blowing me. it was like a disgusting metaphor for what happened 30 seconds later.
I walked into cold stone and the guy started preparing a supersized birthday cake remix for "Mrs. Munchies"
In attempts to Not be THAT GIRL in front of my new crush I will only drink a 12 pack instead of my normal case.
I am totally the chick from Intervention who barfs up wine and then re-eats it.
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
the only compliment i could think of for this chick was that she looked 'moderately attractive'
I feel like you pissing on my ping pong table isn't something to be proud of.
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
I'm gunna send you baby bottles of vodka for those nights when you just give up
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
Randomize
